Sex and relationship advice from Robin Smyth

Feeling randy, are you? Can’t quite wait ‘til you get home to express your physical love for your partner? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a little romp al fresco. However, in our Canadian climate, you may want to choose your moment wisely, regardless of raging hormones.

Some provinces have more extreme climates than others. Depending on geography, season and weather may or may not be a deciding factor.

Obviously getting caught is not an optimum outcome. Nothing says buzzkill like being stumbled upon by some random person or a local upholder of the law. Unless you’re into that kind of thing, but I call that none of my business.

Find a nice, quiet spot, preferably with good cover, such as leafy shrubs. For your own safety and comfort, take the time for a quick reconnoiter of the area. Doing it on top of an ant hill or wasp nest or having twigs and thorns up one’s whoopsie daisy just sounds painful and traumatic. Remember, safety first!!

Places to avoid:

  • The beach (usually too populated, plus the sand thing)
  • Your vehicle (it has windows)
  • Public parks (during the day at least)
  • Your yard (unless you have a secluded property, tree house or outdoor fort)
  • Downtown and other high traffic areas
  • Anywhere surveillance cameras are present (again, unless you’re into that sort of thing)

Places to pitch a tent: (LMAO!)

  • Camping (your tent might be see-through, but at least you won’t get eaten alive by bugs of prey)
  • The forest (bring a blanket)
  • Public parks (at night)
  • Public bathrooms (YUCK, but some people love the thrill of it. It’s not technically outside, but please humour me!)
  • Your yard (secluded property?)

According to Wikipedia, the cities where folks like to get it on in the great outdoors are New York, Vancouver and San Francisco. Depending on where in the world you live, outdoor sexcapades can be viewed as excusable or can land participants in a huge bubbling cauldron of hot water.

North America seems to be the stodgy front runner in laying charges against public sex participants while the UK barely raises an eyebrow. Time to move perhaps?

Where’s the wildest outdoor place you’ve gotten busy? Tweet @cockroachzine.

Robin Smyth has contributed to newsletters, business publications, inter-company webpages and blog sites. She has reported on multiple genres engaging a variety of styles and is known for her one draft, no edits style of writing. Follow her on Twitter @RobinDS3.