By Meg Crane

If you choose to try your hands at letter writing, you may want to slip in a piece of handwritten erotica to get a long-distance lover going.

Here’s a few pieces of advice to ensure the recipient is left lusting after you not laughing at your prose.

Keep the normal rules of writing in mind. 
Avoid cliches. Develop your characters and get inside their heads. Ensure that the plot makes sense. Appeal to the five senses to give a better picture of the scene. Sex won’t cover poor writing; poor writing will distract from the sexiness of your piece.

Forget the cheese
Along the same lines, but important enough to stress, don’t use language that is going to have the reader rolling their eyes. No “throbbing members” or “swollen breasts.” Use the words that you yourself would use in bed. Tits, cock, boobs, clit, balls. There’s no need to be elegant when you’re writing about fucking.

Get creative

Banging missionary style in a bed can be a blast, but is it really that exciting to peek in on? Probably not. Find an interesting setting or scenario. You want to excite your reader, so showing them something they haven’t experienced (at least with you) could help put them over the edge. Maybe write out a fantasy you haven’t yet shared with your partner in hopes that they’ll get the hint and act it out.

Have fun
Don’t stress out about it too much. Don’t over think it. This is supposed to be fun for you and the reader. Whatever you’re writing should get you hot too. If you’re spending time worrying about each word, the sexiness will be lost for you and probably also the reader.

Just punch out a first draft, take a masterbation break if you need it, then reread for a few final touches. If the reader isn’t getting tripped up by flowery language, they’ll probably be too busy touching themselves to think too much about what you’ve been writing.

Meg Crane is the founder of Cockroach. Follow her on Twitter.